In a recent survey of 1,000 people it was discovered that 81% of single people said they thought about their ex too often. The same survey revealed that 76% of women feel this way compared to 70% of men. A fairly unsurprising 33% of people have slept with their ex after a breakup; 20% of people have done so multiple times.
What does this mean for you? Well, first of all I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that basically everyone sucks at breakups! Whether it’s one relationship in particular or you’re a serial bad breakup-er, you’re not alone.
But there’s other good news to be extracted here. While the article presenting these results failed to reveal the statistic, these numbers tell us that there’s hope. The fact that we all yo-yo and flip-flop and freak out about whether we’ve made the right decision (in particular us women) means that in this process there is room for your ex to change her mind. Much of the outcome will depend on how you navigate the highly emotional and challenging experiences ahead. But that’s for another article.
More pressing right now is determining whether she truly wants you back or not! To help you do this I’m going to let you in on five signs to look out for. I’m also gonna give you three signs that likely mean “Get outta here!”, because I’m good to you like that.
You see her out places
If you’ve seen your ex out and about lately and thought to yourself, “Jeeze, I can’t stop bumping into her lately . . .”, first of all, you sweet sweet naive man. This is no coincidence; your ex is putting herself in your way. Trust me. I know, I know, it might sound crazy (and perhaps it is!), but trust me when I say that when a woman wants her ex back but isn’t the kinda girl to ask outright, she’ll do whatever it takes to remind you of her, make you feel strongly about her and be reminded of how beautiful/funny/awesome she is. She’s your ex; she knows where you hang out and who you hangout with. It’s no difficult task for her to locate you, especially if you have mutual friends . . . so if you keep running into her (and she looks great), it’s most likely because she wants you back.
She finds excuses to contact you
“Hey, I just heard there was an accident on Highway 12 and I know you drive it every day to work. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay!”
“Hey, you know that concert that sold out? They added a second date today! Just thought I’d let you know :)”
‘Hey, have you seen my red coat? I’m pretty sure the last time I saw it was when we drove out to Thetis Lake last month…”
Do any of these texts sound familiar? While you may feel that behind each of these texts is a fair reason for her to get in touch, the reality is that if a woman decides to break up with you and wants to establish distance, it’s very unlikely that any reason at all would cause her to contact you. So if she’s sending you helpful information/ concerned enquiries/ requests for items that are definitely not in your possession then it’s because she wants an excuse to get in touch with you, thereby providing you with the opportunity to see her, re-feel strong feelings about her, and want her back! Brilliant, really, isn’t it?!!
She hasn’t deleted you from her social media
Similarly, if she hasn’t deleted you from her Facebook, Instagram and other accounts the likelihood is that it’s because she a) hasn’t let go of you yet and b) wants to keep an eye on you. Attempting to keep any ties after a breakup is a sure sign that your ex isn’t ready to “close the door” yet, so if you’re still able to see each other’s photos and activity, it’s very likely indeed that she’s looking.
Don’t be fooled: just because there are photos showing her having the time of her life that seem to multiply every few days, doesn’t mean that she’s truly moved on. Many newly broken up people are guilty of misrepresenting their lives in order to show their ex and the world that they’ve moved on; the fact is that if there were hurt feelings when the breakup took place, then there are still hurt feelings a month, two months, even three months down the line. So once again, if you’re not disconnected with her after your breakup, it’s very likely she’s not past your it.
She displays signs of sadness on her social media
Alternatively, she may in fact allude to her heartbreak on social media. Sad songs, quoted lyrics or literature, or simply expressions of sorrow are all clues not only that she’s unhappy, but that she hopes you’re noticing these statuses and feeling the same way. As I’ve mentioned, women who are heartbroken tend to want their ex to make the first move. It’s a fantasy that so many women share: having their ex show up at their doorstep with flowers or a bottle of wine, telling them they miss them and wanting to talk about getting back together. It may sound corny, but there’s a reason why almost all romantic movies feature a couple falling out and then making up: it’s become part of our understanding of what romance is. So if she seems like a damsel in distress, it’s most probably because she is, and she’s waiting for her Prince Charming to come and make her happy again.
She lingers when you see her
If, when you cross paths, she smiles sweetly, hugs you slowly, lets go only after a longer-than-normal period of contact, she’s still into you. This is a major tell: any attempts to touch you, even playfully, are signs that she still feels attracted to you and also probably feels possessive of you. After all, you were once together, she had you all to herself, and now you could be seeing any number of other people. This will make her want to remind you of her touch and, even if it’s against her pride or instincts, want to touch and attempt to “claim” you for herself again.
So those are five major signs that your ex is still into you. In order to help you distinguish her feelings for you as simply as possible, I’m also going to share with you three signs that she doesn’t want to get back together. There are such things as mixed signals, so if you feel like you’re getting signs from both of these lists, I’m sorry, that sucks. The best move is to keep your distance and not let her erratic behaviour affect you.
She deletes you from all social media
If your ex has deleted you from every single one of her social media accounts (even her LinkedIn!) then there’s little room for doubt that she wants you out of her sight and out of her life. Deleting an ex from all social media is a very decisive act. It takes a lot of conviction to make the call, because once you decide to do it, there’s no going back (at least none that’s not SUPER awkward…!).
She avoids having any contact with you at all
If she’s ignoring your texts and failing to answer your calls, it’s simple: she doesn’t want to engage with you. We all know that staying in communication with an ex allows the “door” to remain open, even if it’s just by the tiniest crack. If you try to contact her with a truly urgent matter and her best friend calls to deal with it, that’s a pretty damn clear sign: she doesn’t want you back.
She’s in a new relationship
This is possibly the most telling sign of all. Entering into a new relationship is not something you do when you still hope to have a chance with your ex. Why? Because it sends a very clear message to them: You’ve moved on. Many people will date and fool around with other people when they miss their ex; in fact, it can be a very effective way to inspire jealousy and have them running back to you. But only a very few manipulative a**holes will use someone to make an ex jealous by making it official with them. This move is also risky, because there’s the very likely possibility that when their ex finds out they’ll just give up on making up.
There you have it, fellas. If you’re in any doubt after reading this article, head over to my quiz “Can I Get Her Back?” to find out for sure where you stand.