Dumped? How to Find a Rebound Girl

Being dumped sucks. It’s no surprise that so many of us feel the urge to immediately seek comfort elsewhere after a breakup. The problem is that doing so is often either a) far more difficult than expected or b) ultimately makes us feel worse rather than better.

So I want to walk you through an alternative scenario of how to find a rebound girl. One that will prove successful not only in terms of “getting the girl(s)”, but also in helping you actually move on and feel better, rather than worse.

“What is this magic?” I hear you ask. Well, listen up and I’ll tell you!

Step 1: Don’t go to a bar, go to a friend’s.

The first step in my alternative rebound method focuses on you. So often when we go through a breakup we’re so fixated on the person we’ve lost that we neglect ourselves and continue to feel shitty when there are small and simple ways we can help ourselves get better.

A very common act of newly broken up people is to isolate themselves or immediately seek solace by going to the bar to find someone else to hook up with. Stop!! It won’t work!! What’s more, there’s about a 90% chance it will make you feel worse… about yourself, about your treatment of the person you hooked up with, about the fact that you now feel guilty for sleeping with someone else so quickly… basically it’s a sure-fire way to make yourself into an even bigger and hotter mess than you already were.

That’s why step one is find a friend! Hangout, talk about what’s hurting, let them give you their perspective. They know you, and they therefore have some idea of how the relationship has affected you. Maybe they really liked your ex and are therefore able to commiserate with you, or maybe they’ve thought she was bad for you for a long time, in which case they can now let you know and you can maybe feel some relief. Whatever the exact scenario, for the first week after your breakup, seek out friends and family. Spending time with loved ones will have a huge effect on your mood and perspective, and is a much healthier way to deal with heartache than getting wasted and hitting on girls. This is also the first step to implementing the No Contact Rule, and if you haven’t heard of it, I suggest you check out my article “Does No Contact Work to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back?“. Spoiler alert: it does, so head there to find out how and why!

Once you’ve made it through that week, then you can enter the world again!

Step 2: Indulge the urges, WISELY.

If you’ve been itching to “get over” your ex by seeking out someone else, the likelihood is that this attitude isn’t going to let up until you indulge it. So go ahead. But be warned: it’s probably going to make you feel shitty. This is all part of the healing process, however, and part of learning and growing as a person. The difference, though, if you follow my advice, is that you will be making these “mistakes” wisely. That means doing the following:

• If a girl asks you about your relationship status, be honest about the fact that you’re newly single and still going through a breakup;
• Let her know that commitment is far from your mind at the moment; you’re just starting to get your bearings and have plenty of investigation into your next move to do before you consider becoming attached to someone else;
• Let her know that despite this, you’re attracted to her and would like to get to know her.

MATURITY ALERT!! It might seem as though following this advice is the surest way to be turned down by every
girl in the club, but you’d be wrong. There are several reasons why doing the above will prove successful:

• When a woman meets a man who is able to make mature and considerate observations/decisions in the face of a potential sexual conquest, they listen up, because rightly or wrongly, most women expect most men to do or say anything to get them into bed…
• Women also desire things they can’t have… it’s messed up, yes, but establishing that you are unavailable for a relationship will very likely make them want to be the girl to change your mind. And that’s on them. They’ve been warned.
• You’re displaying honesty, integrity, self-respect, respect for her, and a whole bunch of other very desirable qualities that women value highly and which often prove hard to find in a guy at the bar!!!

Step 3: Repeat as necessary.

Enjoy. Be responsible. Check out my article “How to Seduce an Ex (or Any Girl, Actually…)” for more super-sexy tips from yours truly. 

Step 4: Be open to new feelings.

It’s important when leaving one relationship and entering into true singledom not to shut down the possibility of someone else. Yes, you may have had your heart dropped from a very great height and then stomped on. Yes, you may be thoroughly enjoying the single life. These are valid reasons to remain unattached, but not valid reasons to remain unhappy or closed off to happiness.

It’s happened plenty of times that a rebound girl or guy turns out to be the one. I’m not saying get ready to commit to the first girl that comes along–the very opposite, in fact! I recommend you give yourself time and space (and sexual experience if you want it!) after a breakup to reassert what’s important to you and find your way again. But, like everything in life, wonderful things tend to happen when you least expect them! So just because you feel totally unprepared for a new relationship, doesn’t mean you should turn away a woman who could be the girl of your dreams just because you’re determined that the timing isn’t right. We are organic matter, and so you should allow for feelings and relationship to begin, develop, and possibly end when it feels right, as opposed to when works with your schedule.

You never know what might be just around the corner!

Emily xo